Mutilating the 80s

Rainbow Brite LARP group visits your town on 80s nite

While perusing photos on Facebook one morning, I noticed a photo of a group of young people dressed up like the cast from the cartoon “Rainbow Brite.” Their outfits were so colorful, tight, layered and loud in their proclamation of the era they were advertising: the 80s. Shorts over colored tights, fishnet gloves, a Kiss t-shirt, guitar shades and chem.-light necklaces, it looked like a regurgitation of everything rejected from the Madonna era. These kids, who were all probably just coming out of their moms’ wombs in the 80s, thought they had the style and attitude down. Truth was, they were giving everything good about the era my generation grew up in ‘a bad name’ (thank you Bon Jovi). But to be fair, it’s not really their fault. Hollywood is resurrecting the 80s by storm in movies and in television.

I blame anthology shows like “I Love The 80s” for showcasing the most ridiculous and bizarre talking points about a decade marked by the emergence of gold chains, big hair, slouchy sweaters and socks, hip hop, rap, R&B, and just about all the best chick flicks ever made. Two mega-music stars of the 80s seem to define the over-the-top fashion explosion of the era: Madonna and Michael Jackson. Of course, the rest of the celebrity population followed suit with outrageous fashion statements based on a chick who looked like a cheap version of every man’s fantasy in lace (whose style, I might add, became a selling point for exotic dance acts over the years) and a dude who wore one white glove and introduced us all to the Jeri Curl. God bless them both, but normal people didn’t dress like that on a daily.

Now, 30 years later, a new generation of 20-somethings have adopted the neon colors, lace, excessive rubberized accessories and even the music and movies as their own. Stone washed, waist high jeans cinched at the ankles, slouch socks (which the Hooters franchise has brought back – holla), Members Only jackets, underwear worn as outerwear and jelly bracelets were brought back out of hiding. Why? Because these new kids decided it’s fun to take an era and not only put their own spin on it, but say they know and love everything about the 80s from watching TVLand re-runs, Google and Wikipedia. What they don’t realize is the rest of us who actually lived it are shaking out heads as we laugh our asses off. It’s borderline insulting to those who were there.

For starters, unless anyone was a performer, cross-dresser or it was Halloween, we didn’t wear rock star wigs to go to a club. We preferred Aqua Net and Clairol color as it was all about being natural. It was lace for the ladies and fishnets for the gents but only if you were in a band, a naughty situation in a private room or working on Skin Street. All our clothes matched and seldom did any of us wear shorts over leggings unless it was spirit day at our high school. Those movies from the 80s that every generation loves to quote are the stories that inspired the population of our decade much like the graduation songs brought to the 90s by Boyz II Men and Bel Biv Devoe

What’s more is that we 80s folks have learned to progress with , fondly bringing it out in moderation and in small, acceptable, classy doses. Mostly to make fun of the same things VH1 and MTV have hired a mix of too-young-to-know and authentic 80s celebrity experts to recount the antics and blunders of a generation that’s become a popular party theme. These youngsters want to live and breathe another place and time for a party or as a lifestyle choice, they can at least respect the true look and feel of the era and understand the decade was about more than great movies, fun music, bright colors, big hair, interesting fashion statements (that no one wants to revisit) and the birth of a generation of 80s wannabes.

It was the start of the computer age, video games, beepers, introduction of the Post-It note by 3M, invention of the cellular phone and fashion misses like floppy shirts, white stilettos (thank you Valley Girls) and shoulder pads. MTV brought us the music video, Teen Beat Magazine turns moms (and dads) into pedophilic voyeurs of such underage sensations as Alyssa Milano, Scott Baio and Michael J. Fox (and will continue to do so throughout each new decade. Menudo was replaced by the New Kids on the Block as the new boyband sensation because they had the “Right Stuff.” Boy George. Jane Fonda teaches women about fitness through aerobic exercise while Suzanne Somers introduced lazy women who didn’t want to get up and move to the Thigh Master. This was also the decade that saw the end of the Cold War through the collapse of the Berlin Wall.

Does it really bother me to see the 80s mutilated by those who haven’t lived it? Probably not … maybe a little … no, I guess not. However, it gives me something to knock the new generation of wannabes about. It is kind of neat that the identifying pop culture points of the era are being celebrated three decades after it wasn’t really all that cool the first time around. A great example of the parody is Dirt Nasty’s “Like It Was 1980.” Simon Rex, who was there, wraps up the 80s in a four minute tune about the fashion, fame, sex and drug phenom of the decade.

So, for all the 20-somethings still with me, have a little respect for an era you really weren’t part of – even if you were born in it. You own the 90s. Just like my parents told me about things I didn’t understand growing up: one day, when your kids decide to rape everything you liked about youth and adolescence, you will pick up what I’m putting down.



Dirt Nasty delivers an account on what's become the most popular decade to emulate.